The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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