I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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