batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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