I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This gyro tastes like lonliness
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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