um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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