um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
