I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Randomize
