Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
