I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
