11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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