i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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