So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
