Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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