My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
