Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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