so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
