Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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