Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
