Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
