"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
