So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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