so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
