Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
