Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
