Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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