When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
