Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
