Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
