i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
