I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
