Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
