do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
either way he was missing a nipple.
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It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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