i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
