Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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