Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
