Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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