I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize