So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
