I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just high enough for therapy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
