My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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