those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just had sex bonerless
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i dont even know how to be here
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
