I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
