just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
