Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
