I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
