hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
