so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
