I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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