everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
