i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
