And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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