so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize