The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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