thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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