Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
