hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
