based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
