Your face is a jimmy john
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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