I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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