Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
